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· HOLLYWOOD
· OH NO! STEROIDS!
· EXTREME DISAPPOINTMENT
· WE WISH (INSERT NAME) THE BEST IN THEIR FUTURE ENDEAVOURS
· THIS IS A (BREATH) TEST
· WHERE DO YOU GO FOR TNA NEWS?
· JEFF HARDY
· BUFF BAGWELL
· ATTEMPTED SUICIDE
· RANDY ORTON
· KEMPER ARENA
· I WUV CRYSTAL
· BOBBY KNIGHT
· GGWE
· REHAB RAMON
· IMPACT GOING LIVE
· GOODBYE MICK
· WWE WRESTLEMANIA DVD
· NATHAN JONES
· WARRIAH WISDOM
· 12 ROUNDS
· 700 POUND ANDRE
· BIG SHOW
· ORTON'S KID
· MARIA
· TEST TEST 'DIS IS A TEST
· DAMIEN DEMENTO
· SCOTT HALL
· 2007 RSPW AWARDS
· ELIMINATION CHAMBER
· TNA 01/03/08 SCRIPT LEAKED
· STEPHANIE
· HOGAN VS O'DONNELL
· NEAR PLANE CRASH
· SNAKE TO REHAB
· KIDMAN DEAD
· WWE POLL
· KAREN ANGLE
· CARLITO
· KELLY KELLY

 

  04/30/08
  HHHOLLWOOD
 

With the success of Iron Man more Marvel movies are on the way. I heard Triple H was being considered for the role of The Mighty Thor. Sure he somewhat looks the part and has a Hammer for his primary weapon of choice, but does anyone other than me think that would be stupid?

His character in Blade III wasn't all that different than his character in the WWE. And the last thing I'd want to see in a movie about Marvel's Thor is him telling people to suck it. Or Pedagreeing people.

You know maybe he has better acting skills but I have a very hard time seeing Triple H being all "Thor-like."

HHH should be Thor only if they include a part in the movie where he demotes Iron Man from the Avengers because people seem to care more about him.

  OH NO! STEROIDS!
 

It what may prove to be another mark against WWE's reputation, police in Locust Grove, GA are investigating a case where a man has found stacks of drugs and steroids, along with needles in his home that are not his. The house used to be owned by an unnamed WWE wrestler.

The Locust Grove man showed FOX 5 News where his daughter stumbled upon the disturbing find in the attic of their home.

"It was actually pushed over closer to this wall," said the homeowner as he pointed to a nearby wall.

The homeowner was referring to two shoe boxes that contained several small bottles labeled as testosterone, neomasteron -- which is also an anabolic steroid -- some bottles with no markings at all and there were numerous unopened syringes.

Asked what his thoughts were upon discovering the drugs, the homeowner said "well being the fact that I have children I was horrified because my kids actually play up in that room and so the first thing I thought is what if there were to open that and they would have gotten a hold of the stuff and the syringes."

The shoeboxes also contained personal documents with the name of a man who used to live in the house.

Among those documents was a contract from the W.W.E. and a memorandum to W.W.E. superstars in 2004 about the new dress code.

Police will not release the wrestler's name until they have spoken to him. It must be noted that it is not illegal if there are subscriptions written by a doctor for the drugs and if this dates back several years the person wouldn't have broken any Wellness Policy.

Funnily enough, it's Mike Knox, apparently. Who'd have thunk that a guy with no discernable muscle-tone whatsoever would be the one dude in this company outed for steroids. Hilarious.

  EXTREME DISAPPOINTMENT
 

It was just announced at today's Smackdown/ECW Taping in London, England that Mike Adamle is the new announcer for ECW. He is set to call tonight's entire broadcast.

The word going around backstage at the show is that Joey Styles will be moved to another area within the company.

I'm looking forward to seeing the Biggered machinist Abel defending his C-duble title against Ghe Guevera at the next pay-per-view Back Rash. Here's hoping Jeff Harvey makes an appearance, and hits someone with his sweaton bum. Could be sweet.

  WE WISH (INSERT NAME) THE BEST IN THEIR FUTURE ENDEAVOURS
 

Ted Dibiase, Jr.

WWE developmental talent Ted Dibiase, Jr. was released from Orient Road Jail in Tampa, FL on Friday after posting $500 bond. The word is that WWE didn't find out about the arrest until after the story was published online.

EVERYBODY... HAS A PRICE!!!!

Smackdown

After a successful decade of "SmackDown" on both UPN and The CW, World Wrestling Entertainment and The CW have agreed to conclude our partnership. Since The CW's exclusive negotiation period ran out as of last Thursday, January 31, we have been contacted and have been in negotiations with other networks. "WWE SmackDown" will continue to air on The CW until the conclusion of the 2007-08 broadcast season. We are grateful to Les Moonves, Dawn Ostroff, and their entire organization for bringing "WWE SmackDown" to millions of viewers for so many years.

I think as soon as JBL left Smackdown they were like "well there goes our reason for keeping it on".

David Lagana

David Lagana, who was on the ECW writing crew after a run as head writer of Smackdown, was let go today by WWE. No reasons were given. Lagana, who was a big wrestling fan before being hired, had been with the company since early 2002.

Yeah but he was writing for ECW, so it's not like his work was that important.

Lashley

Former ECW champion Bobby Lashley, who was expected to return from his injuries this month, has parted ways with World Wrestling Entertainment, according to Lashley's official website.

Lashley, who debuted with the Smackdown brand in 2005, moved to the ECW brand in December 2006 with the idea that the brand would be built around him. He received a huge promotional push and won the ECW belt at the December to Dismember PPV.

WWE's push continued featuring Lashley going right a Wrestlemania 23 headline match against Umaga with Donald Trump and Vince McMahon as their respective seconds which was promoted heavily to the media due to Trump's involvement and the hair vs. hair stipulation that saw McMahon shaved bald in the center of the ring.

The Wrestlemania match led to a feud with McMahon where Lashley lost and regained the ECW title. Lashley was drafted to the Raw brand in June 2007 and vacated the ECW belt. He had been out of the ring since last July, when he finally took time off to have surgery and rehab rotator cuff and shoulder problems that had been nagging him for several months.

On the forum of his official website, www.BobbyLashleyOnline.com, Lashley commented, "Circumstances, which are out of my control left me no decision but to leave the WWE. I can't go into details of this now but like I said before, sometimes people will hate you personally and try to destroy you, which has happened here. Evil has prevailed. However like I said before, if you continue your struggle, doors will open around these people. You have not seen the last of me, so please don't stop your support. Add Bobby Lashley to the list of RECENTLY RELEASED!"

Lashley, a former amateur champion who also served in the Army, originally signed with the company in 2003 and spent time in Ohio Valley Wrestling before being brought up to the main roster.

Lashley teased a potential MMA interest on 1/16, writing, "I am not sure what I will be doing the next few months. I said I am in fighting shape because if I am not wrestling, I will be fighting. Wrestling is my passion but sometimes things are out of your control. The time off I've had was well needed and was not in vain. I had surgery in August, which was pretty serious. I had to have 5 connectors put in my shoulder to repair my torn labrum. I was slated to be out for 6 months but I think that diagnosis was for an average person. I’m ready for action and I have been for some time now. Whatever action that may be, I will be ready."

Lashley noted that he had just purchased a home in Parker, Colorado and that he expected WWE to acknowledge the release by the end of the week. Word of his departure made its way around the WWE locker room at tonight's Smackdown and ECW taping. As of this writing, he is still listed on the Raw brand's roster page.

For never was a story of more woe than this of Kristal and her Roberto.

When Lashley first went off TV in August, there were a-rumblings that it wasn't exactly a new injury that had arisen but more that it was decided now would be an ... ideal ... time for him to take the surgery that he'd been putting off.

I don't think I'll miss Bobby, but I don't believe I disagree with anything you wrote. When you think about it, as far as black wrestlers in the WWF, Lashley might be, um, the ONLY African-American whose race never influenced his gimmick in any way whatsoever or didn't possess any characteristics that you'd associate with a cartoon version of a black person. Even the Rock joined the Nation of Domination. (Maybe Elijah Burke, though he was scared of ghosts. Maven, but I think Teddy Long and Rodney Mack once told him he wasn't really black.)

Ahmed Johnson did really suck too; Lashley had one more great match at the Great American Bash than Ahmed did in his entire career.

I really disliked superhero Lashley in '07, but I too thought he had a lot of potential as a heel, especially with Heyman (as was the original plan when he first jumped to ECW) or Vince as his mouthpiece. Lashley heeling on Cena was interesting, and it's much easier to hide a guy's weaknesses in that role and let him learn on the job (since his learning curve is nowhere near Lesnar's was) than making him a front and center compelling hero.

  THIS IS A (BREATH) TEST
 

WESLEY CHAPEL - Former World Wrestling Entertainment star Andrew "Test" Martin was arrested Sunday morning in Pasco County, accused of driving under the influence.

Martin, 33, was stopped on State Road 54 near Gateway Boulevard by an off-duty police officer after she spotted a "reckless vehicle" driving north on Interstate 75, a highway patrol report states. A Florida Highway Patrol trooper responded to the scene near the Saddlebrook Village West subdivision just after 10:30 a.m. and noticed Martin's eyes were glassy and bloodshot and his speech was slurred, according to the report.

He didn't smell of alcohol, the trooper wrote in the report.

When Martin stepped out of the car, he was "unsteady and shaking" but agreed to do field-sobriety tests for the trooper and failed, the report states.

He was arrested on charges of DUI and driving while his license was suspended or revoked.

Martin was taken to the Land O' Lakes Jail after refusing to submit to a urine test.

"The defendant was constantly falling asleep in my vehicle," the trooper wrote.

Martin, of 371 Channelside Walkway, No. 101, Tampa, was released from jail Sunday night after posting $500 bail.

The Canadian-born wrestler is a former World Wrestling Federation Hardcore Champion, according to his Internet Movie Database biography. His trademark move is listed as a Full Nelson Slam.

He was released from WWE a few years back and joined Total Nonstop Action Wrestling in August 2007. It wasn't immediately clear whether he is still involved with that organization.

Once again, proving my theory that never once in his career or seemingly in life has Andrew "Test" Martin failed to not suck.

  WHERE DO YOU GO FOR TNA NEWS?
 

Why, you go to wwe.com, of course...

http://www.wwe.com/inside/industrynews/6544892

  JEFF HARDY
 

More problems for Jeff Hardy

by Dave Meltzer

Just days after being suspended for 60 days, Jeff Hardy got more bad news when his home in Cameron, NC, burned to the ground last night. Hardy and his girlfriend weren't home when it happened, but virtually everything Hardy owned was destroyed and he lost his pet dog. No other details are available at this time.

No cause of the fire has been determined.

So, when is edge stealing his girlfriend?

Jeff Hardy Suspended 60 days

STAMFORD, Conn. – In accordance with its Substance Abuse and Drug Testing Policy, WWE has suspended Jeff Hardy for 60 days, for his second violation of the company’s policy.

I agree and disagree. I can see him getting frustrated that his program with Orton ended the way it did, crisp and clean with no caffeine, when he probably thought he had a real chance of winning. I wouldn't blame him. But it's not like his push disappeared and he turned into a pumpkin. He beat Shawn Michaels clean without reciprocity, he beat everyone's ass in the Elimination Chamber, and he was positioned as the featured player in and I think almost certain winner of the Money in the Bank match. His second loss to Jericho never would've happened if he hadn't failed a drug test. So that's not exactly going from being John Cena to Matt Hardy.

Fact of the matter is that Jeff Hardy is 30, has put his body through hell, is probably in a lot of pain, and has been suspended once before. WWE didn't drive Jeff to drugs by putting Randy Orton over at the Royal Rumble.

  BUFF BAGWELL
 

In a recent interview with VOW, Buff Bagwell claimed that the reason why Booker T kept his job and he was fired after their mat classic on RAW back in 01 is because Booker T is black and he's white (ignoring the fact Booker was the WORLD and US Champion at the time).

He then went on a diatribe bout how blacks can't work or talk and said he told Ernest Miller last week "Listen brother, yall figured the basketball out, yall got the golf thing with Tiger, yall aint figured out wrestling. All yall black boys aint figured out the wrestling yet. Ya got football, you aint got baseball and you aint got wrestling."

Buff Bagwell gained 20 points of overness for this segment.

The fans appear to be really responding to his new white supremacist character.

  ATTEMPTED SUICIDE
 

In an interview with inyourheadonline.com, Juventud Guerrera said that Sean "X-Pac" Waltman tried to commit suicide in Mexico recently and now is in a treatment facility in America. Guerrera said he visited Waltman last week and that he is doing well.

You'd try and kill yourself too if you slept with Chyna.

  RANDY ORTON
 

It’s been well established in recent weeks that WWE Champion Randy Orton isn’t afraid to rock the boat. He’s formed something of a clique with wrestlers such as MVP, Umaga, Rey Mysterio, Carlito, and one or two others. One of the ways he flexes his power in front of the group is to needle Shawn Michaels. For instance, one of the running gags that Orton has played is to wait for Michaels walks by and then say something like, “What an f---in’ bum,” just loud enough so that Michaels would hear him, yet not know for sure whether the comment is directed at him. These verbal ribs have drawn a lot of laughs from Orton's pals.

Now that Lagana is gone, its a lot harder to get the inside dirt.

  KEMPER ARENA
 

"In the years since his death, there have been multiple reports of sightings of (the ghost of) Owen Hart. Employees have claimed to have seen him in the rafters wearing the costume he was wearing for his gimmick as well as the cable before he began the descent. There have also been reports of flickering lights and other power sources that seem to go on and off in some areas of the arena."

Oh shit, it's the Phantom of the Opera! No, wait, that was Joey Mercury.

  I WUV CRYSTAL
  TNA wrestler "Cowboy" James Storm has been dating backstage interview girl Crystal Louthan for a few months now. Storm recently wrote the following on his MySpace account (http://www.myspace.com/cowboyjamesstorm) regarding his relationship with Louthan:

"We have had so many memories just in the 3 months we have been together. She's not only a great lover but also a great friend. Crystal is the lady I can see myself with for the rest of my life. Someone that I would want to settle down and have kids with someday. When I hear people say that they are "IT". Now I truly know what that means. I love everything about her. From her deformed tattoo to the way her eyes go crossed. HAHA (It's so cute). Even her flaws, she works so hard to overcome them. SO HARD. She makes me want to live everyday for HER. To be around her every min. To kiss and touch her is an honor for me. There is nothing that God, Crystal and I can't overcome. Sorry girls But, Crystal is my present and future. I am so in love with this girl. Thank you God and Thank you Crystal. I LOVE YOU!!!"

This sounds like a beautiful long term relationship that has every chance of ending in a happy ever after.

Just like Jerry Lawler and The Kat.

Wow. Three whole months. It must be the truest love to ever exist.

  BOBBY KNIGHT
 

Yes, that's right. According to what I saw on WrestleZone (via TNA's website) they're talking to retired basketball coach Bobby Knight to join them as their "first-ever" Head Coach. Of what, I don't know.

TNA has no clue. I could go into a long-winded tirade and explain my point, but I believe our friend Bryan Alvarez has a much more succinct way of summing up the usual result of TNA's "hot-button celebrity" booking....

NO BUYS.

  GGWE
  World Wrestling Entertainment Inc has entered into a talent development agreement with Joe Francis, founder of the Girls Gone Wild franchise.

Mr. Francis, who is currently in federal custody awaiting charges related to his successful video empire, issued a press release from his attorney.

A portion of his statement follows: "I'm very excited to enter into this relationship with WWE. Girls Gone Wild has proven that we are able to find attractive girls, who are naturals at entertaining people. We're experts on finding just the type of girl WWE wants to hire. This also opens all kinds of possible cross-promotion for our brands".

Linda McMahon, chairman of WWE, defended her company's decions to enter into this partnership. "Girls Gone Wild isn't just about girls taking their tops off", McMahon states, "These girls are having a good time and entertaining fans. That's what we do in WWE. Additionally, we're not just looking for any girl in a video. Many of them have shown surprising physical ability in their Girls Gone Wild segments. That's the type of woman we want in WWE".

McMahon further defended her company's choice to enter into an agreement with a company that has been accused of exploitation. "These girls made a choice and they seem happy about it. People should not judge how others choose to live their lives. WWE does not discriminate on the basis of their past".

The sad thing about this is though, is the only nudity we've gotten in WWE has been a 63 year old dude's alabaster asshole and a morbidly obese nude man in a bow-tie. Combining WWE with Girls gone Wild just means we'll suddenly being seeing spontaneous male asses showing up, then being tossed a free DX T-shirt.

  REHAB RAMON
  Former WWE and TNA star "Razor Ramon" Scott Hall has apparently taken up WWE's rehab offer. Apparently, Hall had a recent breakdown in Puerto Rico. He then decided to take up WWE's offer. Hall is staying at the same rehab center former WWE star Jake "The Snake" Roberts is currently situated at, which is in Atlanta. For those wondering, Roberts is currently nine weeks into his fourteen-week stay at the facility and is said to be doing much better.

Also, if you're wondering where Ron 'Farooq' Simmons has been in recent weeks, well, he recently took up WWE's rehab offer as well according to Dave Meltzer. Simmons is currently staying at a rehab center in Atlanta (I believe it's the same facility that Hall and Roberts are currently at). Simmons was last seen on television at the 12/29 RAW taping in Greensboro in a "Happy New Year's" vignette with Jillian Hall.

Atlanta: We used to house the biggest wrestling company in the world. Now, bring your junkies here.

Ron Simmons is addicted to his one-word paycheck thingy. He's said nothing else all year and he decided to do something about it.

Damn.

  IMPACT GOING LIVE
  There is some talk between TNA and SpikeTV about starting to air Impact live. SpikeTV is a bit concerned that airing it live may prevent the show from looking as good as it does now, since TNA does a lot of post-production work on the shows after they are taped. What is being discussed is airing Impact live every other Thursday as a test of sorts. The show will air live, then the next week's Impact would be taped the following day (Friday).

3/27 may be the first live Impact broadcast. That is WrestleMania weekend. With WrestleMania being in Orlando, TNA would likely get a lot of new fans and out of towners showing up at the first live Impact on Thursday.

But.... the "We're not live" thing is their LAST REMAINING EXCUSE!!! Do they REALLY wanna get rid of it??

They can still complain they only have one show a week, and 2 hours isn't enough.

  GOODBYE MICK
  Brian Fritz of the Orlando Sentinel noted in one of his recent columns that former WWE Hardcore Champion Mick Foley will be retiring this year. Foley had talked about his match with Jonathan Coachman on television being his last match, but also pitched an idea for after WrestleMania 24. Mick was also recently involved in a match with Hornswoggle on RAW.

Foley originally retired from World Wrestling Entertainment in 2000, with the idea that he would still appear once or twice a year. With his knee and back problems, Foley is said to be mentally ready to be finished for good.

Very sad, but "former WWE Hardcore Champion"?! What an accomplishment!

  WWE WRESTLEMANIA DVD
  - WWE's Greatest Superstars of WrestleMania 2-DVD set will be released on March 25th through a retailer that will be named. Here is what the set will include:

***Hulk Hogan's WrestleMania History
Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter: WM VII

***Batista's WrestleMania History
Batista vs. Triple H: WM XXI

***Shawn Michaels' WrestleMania History
Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho: WM XIX

***The Undertaker's WrestleMania History
The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton: WM XXI

***Edge's WrestleMania History
Edge vs. Mick Foley: WM XXII

***Bret Hart's WrestleMania History
Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna WM X

***The Rock's WrestleMania History
The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan: WM XVIII

***John Cena's WrestleMania History
John Cena vs. JBL: WM XXI

***Rey Mysterio's WrestleMania History
Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton: WM XXII

***Triple H's WrestleMania History
Triple H vs. Chris Jericho: WM XVIII

***Steve Austin's WrestleMania History
The Rock vs. Steve Austin: WM XV

John Cena v JBL? The match that was cut short because they were running out of time and lasted about 5 minutes? That's his Wrestlemania highlight?

  NATHAN JONES
  Former WWE wrestler Nathan Jones is in talks with WWE officials about a possible return to the company.

In 2003, WWE had some very big plans for Jones, but his initial push flopped and he was off television within three months. His wrestling skills were so bad that at the last minute, WWE pulled him from his scheduled tag match with Undertaker at WrestleMania XIX. The storyline excuse for this was that he was "injured." He was taken off television all together a few weeks later. Nathan was then sent to OVW to improve his wrestling skills. It was during this period that Jones appeared in a bit part for the movie Troy. Jones was brought back to the main roster in November 2003 for the Survivor Series. One month later during an international tour when they were in his native Australia, Jones quit the company. The rigor of the WWE lifestyle, compounded by dyslexia, became too much for Nathan, and he quit the company on December 6, 2003.

Since his departure from WWE in 2003, he's only worked a handful of wrestling matches, instead choosing to concentrate on his acting career. Jones came together with WWE once again in 2006, this time under the WWE Films banner, playing 'The Russian' in The Condemned, starring "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.

He was the guy who did so much roids he lactated. They should pair him with Hornswoggle so he could breastfeed him.

  WARRIAH WISDOM
  TMZ pointed me to Warrior's blog, where my jaw dropped. Yes, he IS praising Heath Ledger for killing himself (even though it's NOT a suicide) and is using the incident to take potshots at Hulk Hogan.

Warrior's Blog - Dead Long Before 28

By today’s standard, though, I do have to agree that he was a great father. Perhaps even greater then the father of the year, Hulk Hogan. After all, Leather Hedger did what it took to kill himself. His kid is without a father, yes, but the negative influence is now removed and his own child has the chance for a full recovery. Hogan, on the other hand, won’t go quite that far. He insists on sticking around to keep further ruining, and profiting off of, the parentally mismanaged lives of his own children.

It is sad and tragic….that we don’t demand attention be paid to greater things.

Now THAT'S an attention whore. What the hell goes through his mind when he says these things?

  12 ROUNDS
  WWE's fourth feature film, "12 Rounds" is currently in pre-production, with filming to begin at the end of January in New Orleans, La. and lasting until May. The scheduled theatrical release date, according to IMDB.com, is Sept. 5, 2008.

The plot summary: Detective Danny Baxter is about to have the worst day of his life when an evil crime lord kidnaps his girlfriend and forces him to go '12 Rounds' around the streets of New Orleans." Coincidentally, John Cena is expected to play the role of detective Baxter in his second starring role for WWE Films.No other cast is listed for the movie yet. The production company is Midnight Sun Productions, with Fox Atomic as the distributor. Renny Harlin is listed as producer and director. His greatest movie success was as director for Die Hard 2, which grossed $118.0 million in box office receipts in 1990.

You know, I'd really like to see Cena featured in a film where he saves a kidnapped girlfriend. Somehow I think he'd be able to pull it off! Ahem.

Seriously, who writes this shit? Motherfucker's made ONE movie, and already he's typecast.

  700 POUND ANDRE
  Hulk Hogan was on the Rachel Ray show yesterday. He talked about slamming Andre The Giant and said he was really 700 pounds and not 500 like people say. Hogan said that he tore all kinds of muscles during the slam.

OH YEAH WHAT'CHU GUNNA DO BRUTHER!? I BODY SLAMMED 700 POUND ANDRE THE GIANT, BRUTHER, IN FRONT OF 900,000 SCREAMIN' FANS FOR THE GREATEST WRESTLEMANIA OF THEM ALL! YEAH DUDE I MUST'VE TORE A THOUSAND MUSCLES AND BROKE 300 BONES IN HULKSTER'S BODY, BRUTHER!

  BIG SHOW
 

Big Show is coming back to WWE full-time sometime soon. He had been training for a boxing career, with the idea that Hulk Hogan was going to come in and act as a mouthpiece for him. There was also talk of him working for Hogan's own wrestling promotion but that fell through after the show they headlined in Memphis failed to draw much attention. Also, given his age and lack of experience, the chances of him succeeding at boxing were minimal. Still, it has gotten his weight down to about 440 pounds.

WEEEEEEELLLLL....
WELL IT'S THE BIG SLOW
Wellllllllll it's The Big Show. Something. Something. Like you'll never know. You won't see him coming. But I'll promise you'll know.

OMG SaveUs.222 really was about the Big Show! Jericho appearing on TV for two months was just the ultimate red herring.

  ORTON'S KID
  In an interview on KDSK 5 St. Louis to promote Tribute to the Troops, Randy Orton revealed that he and his wife are expecting their first child.

That kid is going to be all sorts of fucked up. So many obvious jokes to make... destroying a daycare center, wearing a gym-bag as a diaper, being lightly choked to sleep every night... Someone come up with an original one, because I can't at this time.

  MARIA
  Wrestlezone are saying that Maria has posed for Playboy.

This news makes me a happy camper. I love Maria and if given the opportunity I do believe I'd put my penis in her. So deep in fact that the first person to somehow pull me out would be declared the King of England. True story.

  TEST TEST 'DIS IS A TEST
  Former WWE star Andrew "Test" Martin wrote in a blog on his MySpace page on Tuesday that he plans on retiring from professional wrestling after a wrestling tour in Ireland next March. He has been wrestling since 1997 and he will be turning 33 years old at around the time of his final tour. Here are some excerpts from his blog regarding his forthcoming retirement:

"I've talked to my "Better half" and we decided that Ireland will be my "last hurrah."

"They say nobody retires from wrestling. I can't tell you how much I hate to hear guys say "it's all I know" and keep working long after they should and die or be permanently [sic] disabled. You have to come to terms when you ask yourself what is your health worth? To me? You can't put a price on it! So what are you wrestling for? One man's greed so he might throw you a bone? I loved wrestling, it was good to me. I'm still young, I'm in the shape of my life I've got some money tucked away. I never got into wrestling to be rich and famous."

After talking about a story regarding Bret Hart: "Bret left with his head high and still with the respect of the "boys" and I'm talking the "real boys," the ones that wouldn't stab you in the back and shake your hand to your face! This business is full of those people, "PIRATES," "all for one and one for all..."

"I was told my problem was I never "kissed enough ass." As we all know wrestling is not real and it is very political backstage and as a man I could never bring myself to consort with the people that I didn't care for even if that meant making less money and not getting a world title. The world title is not real but my dignity was and I feel I never comprimised it. I said "no" to Vince a few times which I was told is unheard of and the kiss of death. I personally don't have bad things to say about Vince. I can appreciate what he's done! I wonder what it's like to have everyone [sic] who works for you tell you yes and your ideas are great because they are terrified about losing their job. I will never know nor do I want to."

"So what now [sic]? Start a real existence. Get married, have some kids, work a normal job (I'm not someone who can sit around, I did it for 8 months there is nothing satisfying about it), maybe get a belly from Babs' cooking but that will be hard to do since I do all the cooking. Their are few guys that can walk away from this business with their health and a little wealth but like I said, "what's your health worth?"

"Thanks to all my fans and please stay in contact I still love to hear from you. I am at peace.. I have no bad words to say about anything or anyone. That doesn't mean I won't have a few chuckles with "the real boys" at peoples' expense, who I'm sure know who they are."

At the end of his blog, Martin states that he never changed his middle name to Test. As the old rumor goes, he supposedly changed it so that he could continue to use his wrestling name after his first release from WWE: "I saw on Wikipedia [sic] or whatever it's called that I legally changed my middle name to TEST so I could have the right to it. For the record, "please" I would never disrespect my parents by changing Andrew James Robert Patrick Martin."

How do we know this isn't a test?

I think the fact that he's banged Stacy Keibler and Kelly Kelly is the highlight of his career.

  DAMIEN DEMENTO
 

Damien Demento is so pissed off lately, that he's started a youtube account, Pissed Off Demento, and is letting the shit fly. Apparently, he was voted the "15 minutes of fame" award by fans.

http://youtube.com/profile?user=PissedOffDemento

I need to smoke cigars when I rant about the internet needing to care about me not caring about the internet.

You'd think that a guy who I only remember for jobbing to fucking Tatanka would be happy to have had an extra three seconds added to his 15 minutes of fame.

  SCOTT HALL
  Scott Hall finally resurfaced last night. He worked the main event of ICP's Juggalo Championship Wrestling show in Pontiac, Michigan. Hall & ICP's Violent J defeated The Thomasellis. Hall was said to be in good spirits backstage and was admitting he was wrong for no-showing the TNA Turning Point PPV as well as a few recent WWC shows.

"Hey yo. No way I'm showing my face on that TNA PPV, mang. Sorry Kev, I got a tag match with Violent J in Pontiac in a couple weeks."

LOL @ TNA

  2007 RSPW AWARDS
  2007 r.s.p-w Awards: quick 'n' dirty

They're HERE first! (They're in progress getting posted to r.s.p-w)

Best Wrestler: John Cena

Best Tag Team: Paul London & Brian Kendrick

Best Heel: Edge

Best Babyface: John Cena / CM Punk (tie)

Best Worker: Bryan Danielson

Best Flyer: Paul London

Best Technical Wrestler: Kurt Angle

Best Brawler: Samoa Joe

Most Favourite Wrestler: Samoa Joe / CM Punk (tie)

Most Improved Wrestler: MVP

Most Overrated Wrestler: The Great Khali

Best Wrestling Gimmick: Black Machismo Jay Lethal

Best Wrestling Move: Petey Williams' Canadian Destroyer flip piledriver / Homicide's Gringo Killer back to back double underhook piledriver (tie)

Best Match: 04/23/07: John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels (RAW)

Best Feud: Matt Hardy vs. MVP

Worst Wrestler: The Great Khali

Worst Tag Team: Team Pacman: Ron Killings & Adam "Pacman" Jones

Worst Heel: Vickie Guerrero

Worst Babyface: Santino Marella

Worst Worker: The Great Khali

Least Favourite Wrestler: The Great Khali

Most Deteriorated Wrestler: Ric Flair

Most Underrated Wrestler: Alex Shelley

Worst Wrestling Gimmick: D-Generation X as middle-aged teenagers

Worst Wrestling Move: The Great Kahli's skull chop

Worst Match: 01/08/07: "Donald Trump" vs. "Rosie O'Donnell" (RAW)

Worst Feud: Mr. McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley / Voodoo Kin Mafia vs. Christy Hemme

Most Disappointing News item: Chris Benoit commits double murder/suicide

Most Obnoxious Personality: Mr. McMahon

Best Second: James Mitchell

Best Announcer: Jim Ross

Best Colour Commentator: John Bradshaw Layfield

Best Interviewee: Edge

Best Angle: Chris Jericho inserts viral messages into WWE programming

Best Organization: WWE

Best TV Show: WWE RAW (RAW / RAW Zone) / WWE Smackdown (tie)

Best Major Show: 04/01/07: WWE WrestleMania 23

Best Promotional Move: Spike TV, TNA agree on expanding "iMPACT!" to second hour

Worst Second: Vickie Guerrero

Worst Announcer: Mike Tenay

Worst Colour Commentator: Don West

Worst Interviewee: The Great Khali

Worst Angle: Mr. McMahon presumed dead after limousine explodes

Worst Organization: Wrestling Society X

Worst TV Show: Wrestling Society X

Worst Major Show: 12/03/06: ECW December to Dismember

Worst Promotional Move: TNA books tag title win for Pacman Jones despite "no contact" clause

Look for the full shebang at rspw.org Real Soon Now. Once again, several categories were close enough that they could have been changed with a single vote.

I was plizeasantly surprised to see Cena win, I figured for sure that the voting populace of r.s.p-w and whoever else CRZ accidentally tips off to voting would be way behind the curve and still all CENA NUFF WAH WAH WAH. Bravo to the likes of them for recognizing that this guy may be marketed to kids and all that but he is great in his role.

Cena is absolutely the WWE MVP, although Shawn Michaels was right up there with him considering how huge he stepped up when Hunter went down. I'd have called them even for the first half, but then Michaels got hurt and missed four months, whereas Cena's injury didn't come until the very end of the voting year and he spent the months that Michaels was out having strong main events with guys like Khali, Lashley, and Orton.

#3 would probably be Edge, who tried admirably to prop up Smackdown until he too got hurt.

But yeah, these are all pretty good as far as rating the best mostly-WWE stuff. 'cept Backlash was better than Wrestlemania! And Santino Marella: frequently outraged not winning best gimmick is a sizable disgrace.

My WWE MOTY would probably be
1) Cena vs. Michaels vs. Edge vs. Orton, Backlash
2) Cena vs. Umaga, Rumble

I was gonna put Cena vs. Michaels from Wrestlemania third for an unexpected John Cena MOTY sweep, but let's make the whole thing weird by picking

3) Edge vs. Chris Benoit from Smackdown in June, definitely the most noteworthy thing Benoit was involved in that month.

  ELIMINATION CHAMBER
  WWE officials have been discussing creative options for the coming year, including another draft lottery after WrestleMania 24. As previously reported, the Elimination Chamber will return at No Way Out, with the participants fighting for the WrestleMania title shot not chosen by the winner of the Royal Rumble. Early marketing has already listed the participants as Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels, Jeff Hardy, Ken Kennedy, Umaga and Bobby Lashley. There had been talk in recent weeks of Batista and Triple H working a WrestleMania match again but they did nothing to tease that direction during the Evolution quasi-reunion on Raw XV. Plans remain in flux.

The HHH ship has sailed. The guy is already a walking nostalgia act like Undertaker. Guys like that don't need World Titles anymore. They just need high profile feuds, and to job to whatever champion needs the rub that beating someone like them brings.

  TNA 01/03/08 SCRIPT LEAKED
  You can download it here, and probably many other places even if this gets pulled. If you ever wondered how tightly TNA scripts things, download this and get ready to sing-a-long with every promo on the show two weeks from now.

The only segments not scripted word for word probably can just lift the script from the last two times Russo did the same exact bits.

Wow its just as boring on paper as it is on air!

  STEPHANIE
  Dave Kapoor a.k.a. Ranjin Singh, the translator for The Great Khali, was scolded by Stephanie McMahon on Monday night after Raw.

In the final segment on Raw where a bunch of people came out, drank drinks and pretty much broke kayfabe, Stephanie felt Kapoor was having too much fun. The broadcast showed a shot of him smiling and having a good time, just like most everyone else.

After the show, Stephanie called him over and told him that his behavior was highly unprofessional. She also intimated that if he didn't take "the job of a lifetime" seriously that he could very well be let go by WWE. Stephanie also added that someone on creative shouldn't be an on-screen character (he's a member of the creative team). Stephanie said that she went to bat for him in the past, and that he'd he better not screw it up.

I'll just let the facts speak for themselves.

  HOGAN VS O'DONNELL
  Still dusting herself off from a vicious stoush with Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell has found herself sucked into another war of words, this time with pro wrestling icon Hulk Hogan.

The Hulkster, who is poised to relaunch his television career as host of the new series of American Gladiators, threw the first punch when asked by a reporter which celebrity he'd like to see a Gladiator pummel.

"Without a doubt Rosie O'Donnell," Hogan said.

"Somebody needs to shut that big mouth up."

O'Donnell responded to the 54-year-old on her blog.

In a bizarre piece of verse, she responds to "the wrestler guy" as part of "a gang of gross guys."

She also labels Hogan "old" and "dumb".

Hogan, who reached the height of his popularity in the 1980s and was last seen in his family reality show Hogan Knows Best, has had a trying year.

His son Nick, 17, was indicted as an adult on four criminal charges last month stemming from a car accident which left his friend severely handicapped.

And on 20 November, Hogan's wife Linda filed for divorce without telling her husband, with the news broken to an emotional Hulk by a reporter.

The dispute may end up on television: last year, O'Donnell's rival Trump and WWE owner Vince McMahon featured in the 'Battle of the Billionaires'.

The loser was supposed to have his head shaved bald, but in an unsurprising outcome, Trump was successful and managed to keep his trademark and often ridiculed comb-over.

Such a shame to see two grown men fight like this.

  NEAR PLANE CRASH
  Details are still skechy, but the Smackdown/ECW crew had a gigantic scare a few hours ago while in Europe.

After the show last night in Frankfurt, Germany, they were on a Lufthansa flight headed to tonight's show in Zurich, Switzerland. When they were about to land, out of nowhere a plane popped up right in the line of the landing. The pilot saw the plane and managed to get the flight back inthe air at the very last moment.

They were then able to land safely. Even hours later, the crew was described as being "white as ghosts" as they got ready for today's show.

Even hours later, the crew was described as being "white as ghosts" as they got ready for today's show.

Even Elijah Burke?

Thankfully they are safe, but IF they had crashed, what would happen?

Undoubtedly, had the rosters of ECW and Smackdown been involved in a large-scale aviation disaster, Vince would have had a special "tribute" show in their honor. He would immediately rape the developmentals and indies of anyone even remotely close to being ready to go on TV, and he would then expunge the names of everyone involved in the crash from the history of the WWE, as we would almost certainly discover that each of the wrestlers had viciously murdered their families before boarding the flight.

That'd be one blurry fucking Royal Rumble DVD, that's for sure.

  SNAKE TO REHAB
  Two days ago, wrestling legend Jake "The Snake" Roberts was placed in a nine-week rehab program by World Wrestling Entertainment. It appears Roberts was the first former WWE superstar to take the company up on their offer of paying for rehab for past talents.

Roberts has had a history of substance abuse and it comes to no surprise that he has entered into rehab. Roberts was last seen in a WWE ring before WrestleMania in 2005, confronting Randy Orton. The former WWE superstar also had a brief stint with TNA in 2006, that included a drunken promo on TNA iMPACT.

With his bad luck watch him die when he's finally clean.

  KIDMAN DEAD
  At least to Torrie Wilson he is.

LAFFO lol J/k

  WWE POLL
  "With Raw's 15th Anniversary 3-hour show airing this Monday, WWE's official website asked fans to vote for their favorite moments, Divas and Superstars, among others, in Raw history. They announced the results of the polls earlier today, but at least two of the polls appear to be rigged.

WWE.com stated that the John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels nearly hour-long match in the U.K. last April was voted as the greatest match in the history of Raw. Here is what they wrote regarding Raw's greatest match:

"Raw has had thousands of matches, but tops on your list, with 24.2 percent of the vote, was John Cena and Shawn Michaels' nearly hour-long epic classic in the U.K. on the April 23, 2007 edition of Raw. Coming in second, at 19.6 percent, was "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's battle with Kane for the WWE Title in 1998, followed by Jeff Hardy and Undertaker's 2002 Ladder Match at 17.61 percent."

According to the real poll results on WWE.com, the Kurt Angle vs. Chris GUY WHO NEVER EXISTED steel cage match that took place on June 11, 2001 was voted as the greatest match in Raw history with 32.33 percent of the vote. The Cena vs. HBK match didn't even finish in second place as that distinction goes to the "Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs. Kane WWE Title match that took place the night after King of the Ring '98, which took home 26.09 percent of the vote. Cena vs. HBK actually finished in third place with 11.34 percent of the vote. Additionally, the Jeff Hardy and Undertaker Ladder Match in the summer of 2002 only garnered 6.89 percent of the vote, not 17.61 percent, not to mention that it finished in fourth place, not in third place. "

So, yeah. Lame.

I don't understand why they'd even have that match on there if it was such an issue for it to possibly win.

And as for Undertaker winning the Top Superstar from readers, well, that at least make sense. Those who voted for Cena should be age tested to see if they've even watched fucking wrestling outside of the last 2 years. You shouldn't be allowed to vote if you have no frame of reference. I think Bret Hart is the best wrestler I've ever watched, but even I don't have the balls to say he's better than say, Lou Thesz, because I've never seen Thesz wrestle. Whoever "won" that award should be selected for a logical reason like, staying power, ratings they drew, mark out moments, not just because he's your very favoritest wrestler in the ever and you love him and are members of the Chain Gang. Word life! Hustle! Loyalty! Respect!

I hate children. They should be locked up until they're not stupid anymore.

  KAREN ANGLE
  Karen Angle suffered a broken leg at last night's TNA tapings, according to PWInsider.

Too bad she didn't suffer from a broken mouth. I'm shocked that WWE never pounced on Karen Angle. She is hot and annoying, a combination they just love.

  CARLITO
  Reading between the lines, WWE seems to have decided that making Carlito happy is better than handing him to TNA. (Given that the arrivals of Angle, Christian, and Booker haven't moved Impact's ratings or helped TNA's buyrates, I'm not sure why they're worried, but there you go.)

I wonder what kind of push Carlito will get. My guess is that he'll receive something of a push as a condition of staying, but that in the long run he'll end up down on the card.

Haha, I think it's pretty safe to say that TNA would've been interested. And that is not an endorsement of Carlito.

The story in the Observer Newsletter was pretty much what you speculated, Peter (The Hegemon) -- with Booker just showing up in TNA, WWE apparently didn't want it to look like a raid of talent moving in that direction was happening.

Carlito is one of those guys who needs to be moved to ECW and be one of their midcard main eventers, like Morrison and Shelton where management had soured them and they can get a new start away from the Raw politics.

  KELLY KELLY
  "Vince McMahon made the call to abruptly end the Kelly Kelly-Balls Mahoney storyline in ECW, as the Chairman of the Board wanted her out of the angle since he is currently high on Kelly Kelly and felt the association with Mahoney would hold her back, reports the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. There is talk Kelly Kelly could be switched to a different show."

Seriously, how can they still be interested in Kelly? She brings absolutely nothing to the table. At least most of the other Divas have SOMETHING, but she is easily the most boring of the bunch. She is basically a female version of Nathan Jones (although I doubt Kelly squared nipples can prduce milk like Nathan's)